Scientific Meeting: 20/02/2010 - 24/02/2010
~ 9:30 pm Monday 01/03/2010
Basically, I have kept it superficial because even though I am FULL of thoughts and feelings from SFO, I (1) am tired and (2) really just want to get into thinking about the Ph.D. stuff. Nerd me up. But I have to be wary of being too impatient - I must be thoughtful and careful. I must ration my motivation and energy. I will also trust that my brain will work on these new inputs sub-consciously.
~ 5:30 am Sunday 28/02/2010
Exhausted. Long days and nights, but the advantage is you get extremely good sleep. I love hotel beds - they are big and comfy. I discovered a new position to enable sleep on planes - IM me for details, other 1.52 m persons!
Lonely. Got attached to company after ~24/7 of it. Always surprises me that I don't miss solitude as much as I think I will. Sure, perhaps I will or get annoyed with people after a longer period, but going home by myself and seeing everybody else eagerly return to their families/significant other makes me feel a bit weird - as if you hit a weak spot in glass and it quivers a little and your perception through it changes a bit. Maybe I want to be on the other side of this glass. Maybe I'm not an alien after-all. I think these feelings are getting stronger with age (biology) and as people around you become less single. I guess I am starting to understand it - this intimacy thing - it's not wanting to be with someone, it's wanting to not be with no-one, it's not finding the one, it's taking the best one at that time and eventually you stop looking and there, you have settled. It's like dust particles with electrostatic forces. Or something.
Excited. So many interesting conversations - with new people and with people within the lab. Wow, wouldn't it be amazing if I could do all of these things? Wouldn't it be amazing if these compliments were true? Maybe I should just take the motivation and run with it ... but I still hope they mean it. Some interesting comments on my poster and also on other people's work. Some interesting ways people deal with new information. Interesting ways people debate scientific problems. Interesting ways people show their enthusiasm for their work/field, which I guess is a reflection of their understand of Science and how it contributes to the wider ... well, world, I guess. I don't know if thinking about this stuff is dumb, you know?? Is it stupid? Is it a waste of time??
Liver. Needs recovery time. Enough said. =S I should probably dance more. I like that 60's stuff, hip-hop and to some extent, ballroom. One day.
Scientist. Putting "Scientist" in the occupation field of MC's arrival card made me giggle because it was as if someone put "Superman" in there. It's just so surreal to me - a REAL scientist? REALLY!? I am in the world of Science now? I am in the same room as people who wrestle knowledge? Ooh, me! Me!!! Prepare me for the ring!!!
Young Turk. A revisited term (I had forgotten what it meant). I don't know if that's a compliment or criticism. Guess it depends on whether you think the action/behaviour is progressive or trouble-making. Hm. It's like the struggle between being different and wanting to be accepted/belong... questioning authority and keeping status quo because there is no reason for it not to. But not good for that whole loneliness thing - being different AND questioning authority. The masses don't like that, no. But then who said I would feel less alone among the masses?
I keep asking for approval, though. That doesn't sound like a rebel to me.
San Francisco. I really like the way the city is laid out. I like the art scene. I like the waterfront (always been in cities with harbours). I like the "architecture". I enjoyed going to the Museum of Modern Art. I wonder what other people think/feel when they perceive those same pieces? I wonder what the artist was thinking? The city centre feels so prosperous, yet on the way to Montgomery St. Station on the BART, we passed by a lot of different suburbs (and even down the other end of Market St. was getting a bit of varied [one of these rare occasions where a chinese adjective comes into my head and no English version appears])...
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