Sometimes people's reactions make me feel like the boy who cried wolf. It inflames feelings of self-hate (although hate is perhaps too strong a word) at certain characteristics. For example, being flamboyant. Is it excessive or is it exciting? How else can you make other people happy unless you put on a show? That's not to say the show doesn't reflect reality (albeit amplified) nor does it imply basis on a lie. But when people are used to seeing you a certain way and have grown accustomed to (or adapted to) a certain way, what happens when you need to change somewhat because circumstances have changed? What happens now when you require someone else to make you happy?

You may turn your head because you think I of me as the boy who cried wolf, but think again because I'm still herding your sheep.

But I guess - what sort of bargaining power do you have when you've only got sheep?

In other notes (for The Boy Who Will Never Hear This) - I still miss you and I'm sorry you had to feel pain. I'm sorry you felt the world had nothing more to offer. I'm sorry I was not there to help you, to carry you, to stand beside you, to hear what you wanted to say. But I'm also sorry for this most selfish thought that I cannot push from my mind - who will talk to me now? Who else will appear before me a) unexpectedly, b) when I need, c) every night? Though I am grateful for all the time you did give me. Thank you. But I don't know how long it'll take for me to accept that we won't make anymore new memories.