People

There are some people you meet in life that you know you want to know more about. People who you want to spend hours with, people who you listen to intently, people whose very subtle movements and intonation of voice you admire and appreciate.

These people can make you laugh, understand who you are, prompt you to explore the person you want to become. They can challenge the way you think, make you second guess your future, influence your life's biggest decisions by opening your eyes to the abundance of opportunity and consequence.

I find this world full of these people.

The difficulty arises in getting to know these people. To get close enough that you are able to spend time with them and listen to them. But I appreciate and learn a lot from every moment I spend with these people I look up to.

If only now I could find these worthy aspects in every person I meet, then everybody will be agreeable and interesting to be with.

I am so grateful for all my family and friends. I have been so lucky to know some of the kindest and most interesting people.

Life

I am happy as a clam. Despite so many distasteful things going on around me and despite all the inner conflicts I have... despite the fact that I critically analyse everything and anything I lay my consciousness on, I am quite happy. I suppose that leads me to distinguish between happiness and satisfaction. I wonder which is more important? I find that one can be happy without being satisfied and yet satisfaction can increase happiness. I've realised that I am continuously seeking satisfaction. Of expectations, of goals, whatever. It seems that these are limitless and the driving force of almost everything I do (the other motivators include the happiness ofmy family, friends and other beings).

The distinction between happiness and satisfaction is important because for a long time I have been troubled by the notion that I was unhappy. I don't argue that this is any body's fault. It was a conclusion I resolved on my own. However, recently I have discovered that by in large, I have been (and am) a happy child and a happy person. There is scarcely a day when there isn't something to smile about. There have been unhappy events, but that is not to say that they did not force one to appreciate the better times. Thus, I should slowly drop the baggage that I am an emotionally unstable person.

Thus, I am happy.

Thus, it's time to step it up. That is to say that because I no longer have an excuse to cling onto this emotional baggage, I have almost nothing holding me back from anything. Instead of being
constantly cautious and afraid that I will slip back into days of sadness and tears, I can remember that I am strong and those days were manifested by my own incorrect thinking.

For who am I but my own person. I choose what affects me. I choose who I become.

A good friend asked me today why I pursue achievement/excellence. I answered that it was the only way I saw fit in living. "Go hard or go home." Though one could say that it may be because I don't know any other way to act and react. Perhaps I am as fixed in my ways as the most rigid person. Perhaps I am afraid to venture down any other path. Whether I am being determined, stubborn or cowardly depends on the purpose of my life I suppose. I guess the story of my life is
still TBA. =P

Blogging and Expertise

Just because one blogs about something, doesn't make one an expert (or in colloquial terms, "just shut up you loser!". Some people seem to think that just because they own a blog with has a few subscribers, they can claim some sort of advantage over others. Although blogging has a lot to do with communication and expression, it also has a lot to do with introspection and recording of one's development. It prompts the blogger to focus on their own opinion, thoughts and experiences, which can lead to a narrower outlook. I mean, a blog really has just a few self-selected participants: the main blogger(s) and the frequent commentators (with a few new ones popping in once in a while). Sure, I think a blog can really boost one's confidence, but
I mean, isn't it just a great frickin place to focus on yourself - i.e. being self-absorbed, but hiding it behind "communication"? Maybe it's a way for people to fulfill the need to express themselves and blogs are a great way for you to express yourself without (too many) people condemning your opinion.

I just think that because there are some prickish blogs out there. I hope this isn't one. =P

But I suppose one shouldn't analyse too much. I mean, a blog is a way to practise speaking out about your opinion. They help you grow by allowing you to explore how and what you think, allowing you to get comfortable in your own skin (however much digital) and learning to value your own thoughts. Instead of being private about it, you are sharing it with the world, so others can learn along with you. I suppose it doesn't really matter whether or not people actually read your blog. I guess every time you make an entry, you make a small leap of faith - a belief in what you have just written. Being able to expose yourself for the world to judge must be showing some clarity and honesty? I suppose it depends on the purpose of your blog. It depends on whether you write for yourself and a small group of people or to attract an audience

Also, the use of jargon exacerbates the problem because they give the illusion of expertise and specialisation. Though I guess there isnothing wrong with expanding one's vocabulary. =P!!!

For the record, "blog" must be one of the most stupid-sounding words. EVER. Along the same lines as jiggly-puff. I mean, that's justFUNNY.

Hmm... well that's enough of this introspective, philosophical stuff. I mean, the best way to improve oneself is through improving one's relationships with others and nature, right?
Hm.

Bleurgh di bleurgh BLEURRRGHH!!