TIGblogs - Cherrie

Saturday 8 December 2007 - in New Zealand

Preparations I feel like writing the longer date, because it felt so serious and ominous in a way. I was leaving again and it just felt all too familiar. A place I had come to know well was about to become smaller and more distant as I speed away chasing opportunities, chasing life. I even tidied my room(s) in the end and I hadn’t intended on doing that.

IJ kindly offered to drive me to the airport and I was grateful for that. It felt better having a friend see me off. I didn’t really want to wait for the bus by myself, building an obsession over whether it would come or not and then finally getting on, seeing all the strange faces with different lives, going different places…

At the airport It was good to see my family and it took me a while to realize that I had to change a slight bit to adjust to different company. That I had changed in the past year rang true in this moment, even though I was quite aware my family had changed, too. This has also been slowly brewing over the past year, but I now realize I don’t consider Wellington my home anymore. It makes my return even more peculiar and more like going-to-a-new-place, rather than returning-to-an-old-place.

Digression: Belonging and Identity LH asked me the other day about my sense of belonging, identity and how emigrating from HK has influenced those. Like anything, there has been good and bad. It wasn’t so great when I was sad and confused about having no culture or people to belong to, no place to call home, an uncertain future for my (potential) children, my uncertain ability to fulfill my duties to my ancestors, nor was it easy when I was frustrated about having to maintain relationships around the globe given limited hours in a day. But having floated in between for a bit gave me time and freedom to think about where wanted to belong and who I wanted to become. As an immigrant in a country with vastly different culture, one which your parents cannot teach or show you, growing up is a bit confusing. Even more so when you’ve adjusted somewhat and you are unable to share that part of you with those who have not. Thus, your life becomes segmented – not just graphically, but by expectations, beliefs: culture. So even though you may spend a lot of time (initially) trying to amalgamate the two (or three or more for some), you eventually realize that it is easier and best for you to just be yourself. This way of life will resonate with anybody regardless of culture. The only thing you cannot have control over is what people think of you. Sure, your face is like a sign with discriminations and generalizations written all over it, while your behaviour might say otherwise. Similarly, your clothes and behaviour may set you apart from those who have similar faces. For some, this may be intriguing, while for others, it can be offensive.

To overcome all of this confusion, I have found it easier to look at life not in terms of race or culture, but simply of people and events. There have been people, places, events that have shaped me. People, places and events that have had cultural attachments. And because most places and events now team with people of different cultures, it’s really the people themselves. People shape my belonging and identity, that is why they are important.

On The Plane I guess the good thing about a midnight flight is that you really do get tired after the preamble and you just want to sleep following “supper”, which was disgustingly-served at 1:30am. Managed to watch The Simpsons Movie and also half of Eagles vs. Sharks, but all other hours were spent trying to get to sleep. I have a beef with the people who make Airbus – WHY DOESN’T THE HEAD PILLOW SLIDE LOWER??? IT SLIDES REALLY HIGH!! NOT EVERYONE HAS SUPER-LONG TORSOS!!! WHY DON’T YOU TRY RESTING YOUR HEAD ON SOMETHING THAT IS ALMOST OUT OF REACH – YES, IT’S CALLED SLIPPING – GO LEARN SOME PRACTICAL DESIGN SKILLS!!!

Sunday 09 December 2007 - in Hong Kong

About HK I had forgotten some things about HK. (1) How people judge you on your appearances, the language you use, your skin tone, your tidiness, your face – they can stare at you and/or make direct comments about your weight or lifestyle or anything that they fancy. They are not trying to be rude or offensive, but they tell it the way it is. I can respect that as long as they respect I have the right to make my own choices. (2) Squatting public toilets – and some people are grateful that there even are public toilets (even more so if there is toilet paper) and here I am reminding myself that I have never been alarmed by this, so why should I even be surprised this time around. (3) Appalling air pollution – it’s just atrocious. It makes me realize how lucky NZ is, but also how vulnerable we could be. Because we are not immediately faced with it everyday, we may forget that pollution is a very real problem indeed. (4) Grandparents have no running hot water (except for when they have showers). (5) There are some filthy rich people in HK and because it is near Christmas, some of these people will buy the most ridiculous things from the most outrageous brands and I guess I’m a bit shocked at how wealthy they really are. (6) How stealing next door’s wireless is really unreliable and problematic. (7) How well everything runs here, e.g. public transport.

I am glad to see my family, my grandparents, my relatives. I am excited to have the chance to buy some new clothes – according to my Mum, I need some more “grown-up” clothes. I am excited to have a chance to rest. But judging from the schedule we have in front of us, rest isn’t that high a priority. What is even more disturbing is that for some relatives, the topic of my love-life has suddenly taken on a serious tone - even my Grandma has (for the second or third year in a row now) questioned whether I have a boyfriend or not. To top it off, when told that a Ph.D. could take 5 years (as an example), she exclaimed, “WHAT?! But when will you get married?” I’m not sure whether I prefer this sort of awkwardness or the previous obsession over my “chubby” self. I guess it is all fun and games until I crack. :P

Technorati Tags : Belonging, Cherrieland, Family, Hong Kong, Identity, Life

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