Hmm, so last Thurs MC kindly suggested that I should take a chill pill at least one day per week (DC reiterates this point, as does everyone who knows me, I'm sure). Well, I'm embarrassed that I still have to be told this sort of thing - I'm a grown woman!! IV thought this last phrase was hilarious... =(
Well, I don't want to be the stresser or the sad one, or generally show any weakness, because history has shown that our lab does not take 'weakness' lightly. No, in all fairness the lab is very supportive and understanding, but it's just scary to watch people drop out of a PhD or not get offered one. It's scary shit. I guess that in general, people prefer extroverted, witty, clever/skilled at many things, humble, easy-going, deep, involved, logical and compassionate types - just like von Neumann.
I know about von Neumann from Chapter 5 of "Who Got Einstein's Office?", which talks about people who have been through the Institute of Advanced Study in (not of) Princeton. I read that chapter last night. And Chapter 4 the night before, 3 the night before and 2 the night before that... Yes, you're quite right, I was offered this book at the meeting with MC. I can look at brief biographies of people like von Neumann in three main ways: (1) a goal I can never attain; (2) a goal; (3) a goal I used to achieve. Depends on the day, I guess.
Chapter 4 was about fractals (see also) and set theory. I am fascinated by fractals, simply because I don't really understand them and I cannot imagine these extra dimensions in my mind. In fact, I couldn't get to sleep because I was probably thinking about transcendental numbers and I couldn't stay asleep for very long so I could look them up online in the morning. I hate that. The subconscious OCD-ness, despite conscious self-discipline... most of the time.
Chapter 1 was boring - about the Institute's beginnings and Flexnor, the guy who visioned and ran it for a while. Chapter 2 was on Einstein I think and it was disappointingly scarce on detail. 3 was on Godel and I found it sad that he thought he had not given enough to the Institute, the world, nor God. The writer goes on tangents sometimes, it's a bit weird and ever so slightly annoying.
Well, since Chapter 4 (and installing bloody CS3, which took 5x more time than what I allocated) gave me only 3.5 hours of sleep on Sun night, I think all of the new information from various people in my life was teetering me like a Jenga tower and I got horrendously upset last night and in fact, this morning. Don't get me wrong, I feel privileged to be in the know, but I guess there are many things to think about now and my brain bled some tears. It's also why I'm not talking to people, because there's a traffic jam into the Broca's. Hm... I know I don't have any control over the family worries, but at least I can offer my ears and money. I guess.
Well, I made a worry pie. I won't make a happy pie, simply because too many things make me happy and I'm easily amused, anyway. It's sort of funny that IJ's worry is over whether or not he wants to stay in science, moreso than whether or not he has the ability to do well, whereas I am definitely the other way around.
12 months from now, 7 people in my life are expected to no longer be in "reachable" distance. Well, why not.
