I guess today I should clarify another ongoing "struggle" (or "game") along that continuum (or spiral) that is modesty, curiosity, openness against confidence, stability and narcissism.

Insecurity sits so very close to the ego.

I'm always worried that I will become egotistic. Always watching out for opportunities to inwardly explain away successes and happiness and trying to suppress that person that is loud and talks to much.

Who I am and who I want to be aren't the same.

But it seems who I was might have been who I want to be... and who I wanted to be all along.

Or perhaps that thought is only a manifestation of the "grass is greener..." mentality.

There may be nothing wrong and I think there is. Maybe because I have a vision of what I want and reality never seems to quite match. Maybe I daydream too much. But I value imagination and creativity. I also value efficiency and intellect. Also loyalty and friendship. Logic and spirit. Mind and soul. Company and solitude.

If there are so many internal conflicts in every person? What is the evolutionary pressure that maintains its presence? Is it a side effect of something that is useful? Perhaps there is an advantage in "thinking too much"? Or...? Am I wrong in assuming that everyone has internal conflicts?




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Posted by Cherrie to CHERRIELAND at 11/25/2006 10:57:00 AM